Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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