I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
