hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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