she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
