help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
