dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
