Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
