smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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