So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
