are you still at the devil's house?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
