i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
