I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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