I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
