your parents love me but you hate me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Boobs speak an international language.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
