3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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