This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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