At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
