Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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