i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
