Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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