I can text with my tongue
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
