is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
