some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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