This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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