Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
