omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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