When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
