i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
