I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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