why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
