Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
