He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
