I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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