I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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