Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
