Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
