Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
