oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
