When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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