why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
