He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
