She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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