Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
