Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
where are you?
Hypothermia
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
