if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
