i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
