hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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