Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
