Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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