And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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