I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
