Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
